i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
