took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
