My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
