either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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