Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
