Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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