First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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