I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
