I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
