Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
