I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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