He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
