and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
