Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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