Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
