I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
