tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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