Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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