Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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