I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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