Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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