Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
