You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
