I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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