So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
