We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
