you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
