hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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