I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
