Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
