Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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