Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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