community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
