question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
