I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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