i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
