would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
