I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
