actually, I'm a sock model
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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