We won't sleep together?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Boobs speak an international language.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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