then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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