Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
