hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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