is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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