But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
