But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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