Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
