I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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