butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
