YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
