i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
