I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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