I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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