I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
