Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
