ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
